SNS - Through the Conflict

I'm not going post all of this series like I did with the Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf series, but I thought this sermon was especially good since we all fight with our boyfriends/girlfriends, fiance's, husbands/wives, etc. so I wanted to post it.

Visionary Love, Dream Sex; Sermon 5

"Through the Conflict"
Pastor Steven (Elevation Church)

Song of Solomon 5:2-6:4 (NIV)
{SHE} I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” I have taken off my robe—must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—must I soil them again? My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls! Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you — if you find my beloved, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.
{FRIENDS} How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women? How is your beloved better than others, that you so charge us?
{SHE} My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams washed in milk,
mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with topaz. His body is like polished ivory
decorated with lapis lazuli. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem.
{FRIENDS} Where has your beloved gone, most beautiful of women? Which way did your beloved turn, that we may look for him with you?
{SHE} My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.
{HE}You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling, as lovely as Jerusalem, as majestic as troops with banners. 

1. The success of a relationship/marriage doesn't depend on if we (you) fight, but how we (you) fight.

• It's a good idea to discuss parents fighting styles so that we (you) don't relive their mistakes. 
• Marriages that last aren't strong because of the absence of conflict, but because the two parties love each other enough and love God enough to process through the conflict together. 

2. Conflict is the result of unmet expectations and unfulfilled needs. 

• Don't lock out Randy (your soulmate) by refusing to meet his deepest needs, no matter what the need may be. 
• For men one of the deepest need is the need for sex. And the most important need is the need of respect!
• Respect Randy (respect your partner). 
• For women (me included) the highest need is the need to be loved and to feel secure. 
• Is it possible that I (you) have shut out your partner?
• Don't lock the door on love!
• I am (you are) the only source of legitamate fulfillment that Randy (your soulmate) will even have {especially in the area of sex}.
• And when I (you) shut and lock the door on that, they have no other course of action. 

3. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

• Good conflict techniques:
• Decide early on not to pick at each other and egg each other on. 
• Figure out how each person deals with emotions. 
• Back down when Randy (your soulmate) is upset and talk about it later when emotions are settled {it may be an hour or it may be a few days}
• Define the issue and determine if it's worth arguing about. 
• Watch my (your) tone. 
• Be respectful. 
• Don't interrupt. 
• Don't bring things up that have been dealt with in the past. 
• Stick to the subject and stick to the facts. 
• Apologize and admit when I'm (you're) wrong. 
• Don't argue when I'm (you're) boiling mad. 
• Watch my (your) timing. 
• It's not good to disagree or argue with a man when he's: tired, hungry, worried, ill, preoccupied, or pressured. 
• It is not my (your) job to be Randy's (your partners) conscience and tell him all about the horrible things he does.
• Leave it (the conflict, frustration, etc) with the Lord. If I'm (you're) frustrated take it to the Lord and He will work on Randy (your partner) on my (your) behalf.
• Don't require an apology in the middle of a conflict; there's a good chance it might not be as sincere.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

• Bring it to God, and let God take care of it.
• It's not letting him get away with it, it's sticking God on him.

4. Leave room for God to change the heart.

• Always leave love on the lock.
• Only God can open certain doors.
• I (you) can't kick them down.
• Leave it to God to bring about change and justice.
• Appeal to a higher authority.
• I (you) make a committment and even if there is a lock on the door year after year after year leave love on the lock and stay faithful to God.
• Always love!
• What I'm (you're) fighting for is too important to walk away from.

Galatians 6:9 (NIV)
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Hebrews 12:3 (NIV)
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

• I (you) and my (your) partner don't really know each other until you go through hell together.
• Follow the example of Christ.
• When my (your) sins locked the door on Jesus, He still pursued me.
• For a marriage to last we are going to have to fix our eyes on Jesus and the spouse we've got because that's all we get!
• There can be no backdoor, because if there is a backdoor we are going to be tempted to use it one day.
• Shut my (your) mouth before I (you) even think about talking trash about Randy (your partner).
• Stand strong in Christ. He is my (your) example. 

5. Make it right before the sun goes down.
  - Even if that means staying up until 3am {or later}.

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

• Stay up as late as we (you) have to, so we (you) don't go to bed angry with each other.
• Pray together before going to bed; no matter how tired, how short, etc.
• Good example is having Randy (your soulmate) pray outloud for me (you) before going to sleep.
• Praying for each other, forces us to reconcile with each other by the prophetic words of the prayer.
• If I (you) sought after Randy (your partner), I (you) will always find him {no matter how big the issue}.
• When the two become one, seperation is not an option.

Song of Solomon 6:3 (NIV)
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine

Matthew 19:6 (NIV)
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Romans 2:4 (NIV)
Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

• Absolutely have to raise the standard for marital committment and we have got to reinstitute the symbolic meaning of the one flesh union between a man and a woman and we have got to leave love on the lock and we have got to search for our spouse like Christ searched for us.
• Marriage is a picture of the gospel that God came to me (you) when I (you) could not come to Him.
• Jesus Christ is the Lord of our marriage and He is able to see us through anything.

SNS - Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series

Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series; Sermon 5

"Unfailing Love"
Pastor Craig Groeschel (guest speaker at Elevation Church)

• Society hasn't trained us for marriage, society has trained us for divorce.
• We will face bumps in the road.
• When there is good reason for divorce, often times God has something different.

Hosea 1:2-3 (NIV)
When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord.” So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.

• The number one marriage misconception is, "what I'm missing is better than what I have."

Hosea 2:5 (NIV)
Their mother has been unfaithful and has conceived them in disgrace. She said, ‘I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my olive oil and my drink.’ 

• Don't trade the 80 for the 20; it's the most foolish thing a person can do.
• In a decent marriage a person is going to meet about 80% of their spouses needs and expectations.
• No one will ever be able to meet 100%
• Expecting someone to meet 100% of my (your) needs and expectations is setting them up for failure. Absolutely no one can do it.
• Don't believe the lie that what I'm (you're) missing is better then what I (you) have.
• Whenever the grass looks greener somewhere else, it's time to water your own yard.
• If it looks better somewhere else it's only because you can't smell the poop in the yard.
• What I'm (you're) missing is not better than what I (you) have if I (you) invest in what I (you) have.
• When God gets hurt He gets mean, jealous, and angry. He throws a fit. And He has a right to be because He is God and wants all of our hearts.

God's responses to spiritual adultery, and things we should learn from:
1. Righteous anger.

Hosea 2:8-10 (NIV)
She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold — which they used for Baal. “Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her naked body. So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands.

• God says, you want to do life/marriage without Him...do it and see how it works out. It'll fail tremendously.
• Satan is not going to steal my future marriage!!!
• Even if there is grounds for divorce, God says not to give up that easily.
• I (you) have to fight for it!!

2. Unfailing love.

Hosea 2:14-15 (NIV)
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.  \
- God will make the valley of achor (trouble) into a door of hope.

Two ways to have a great marriage:

1. Do everything right. [which is impossible]
2. Walk through the valley of achor (trouble) together until you find the door of hope.

• We don't always do everything right; we sin and we mess up. So, we "walk through the valley of trouble (whatever trouble it may be) together and on the other side there is a valley of hope.
• The best marriages work through the valley of {inset hurt, trouble, etc. here} together with God leading the way, and they always come to the door of hope.
• If I (you) continue to pursue God {especially when Randy and I pursue God together} we will always walk through the valley to the door of hope.
• There is always hope with God!!

Forgive and love as you have been forgiven and loved.

Hosea 3:1 (NIV)
The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes. ”

• Love Randy (your partner) as the Lord loves.
• Love and forgive the same way Jesus has loved and forgiven me (you).
• There are no guarantees, and even through we can't control the outcome God is very very clear on what we should do, and that is that we should love and forgive the way we have been loved and forgiven.
• Forgiving doesn't mean that I (you) become a doormat and don't make some changes; it does mean that no matter what Randy (your soulmate) does I (you) will choose to do what God does and love and forgive even if there are no guarantees.
• When the world says give up, God may say it's not time to give up yet.
• Always walk through the valley, because there will always be a door of hope on the other side.

SNS - Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series

Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series; Sermon 4

"Wrong Well"
Pastor Steven (Elevation Church)

John 4:1-26 (NIV)
Now Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that he was gaining and baptizing more disciples than John — although in fact it was not Jesus who baptized, but his disciples. So he left Judea and went back once more to Galilee. Now he had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”  “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”  “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”
John 4:39 (NIV)
Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.”

• It doesn't matter what people say or think, just stay focused on what God is telling me (you) to do.
• Rick Warren: "When you're small people ignore you, when you're growing they criticize you, and when you're big they resent you."
• Jesus chose to ignore all the other things, and go help the hurting and heal the hurting.
• Jesus was compelled to go.
• Jesus came for those who feel unclean.
• I (you) have to expose my (your) sin in order for Jesus to heal my (your) sin.

Different wells.
1. Well, I'm not worthy.

• Jesus doesn't tell us that the solution is to keep a standard, the problem is that we haven't received the gift.
• I (you) don't have holiness and God doesn't need my (your) holiness - that's why He offers to give it as a gift.
• Holiness is not what God wants from me (you), it's what He wants for me (you).
• God's commands are not demands. God doesn't command me (you) to live life His way, and to deprive me (you) of what is good. He commands me (you) to live a certain way so that He can give me (you) something that is so much better.
• His way is so much better.
• His commands are not burdens, His commands are for my (your) good and all about His grace.
• It's not about what He wants from me (you), it's about what He wants for me (you).
• When God calls me (you) to make a change in my (your) life, He will tell me to do it (not always all at once, but day by day)
• God doesn't speak to me (you) because He wants something from me (you), He doesn't speak to me (you) to keep something from me (you). He gives me (you) an instruction because there's a blessing that He wants to give me (you) and it can only be found through obedience.
• If I (you) knew who God was I (you) wouldn't give up.
• If I (you) knew who God was I (you) wouldn't take matters into my (your) own hands rather I (you) would live under His protection.
• If I (you) knew He was good, I (you) wouldn't go do things my way, because His way is the best way.
• It's not what He needs from me (you), it's that He wants something good for me (you).
• Don't tell God how difficult or impossible my (your) situation is; {tell my (your) situation how big my (your) God is}

2. Well, it's too hard.
   - Well it's too hard, it's too difficult, there's too much against me, I've lost too much.

• It it's too hard to do what God has called me (you), it's time for me (you) to go to another source.
• The well/source of true satisfaction is something God wants to do inside of me (you).
• My (your) biggest problem in thinking everything will be all right is where my (your) source of satisfaction comes from.
• I (you) need to go to a different well, if my (your) source of satisfaction isn't in God.
• I (you) don't need {fill in the blank} because I (you) have a love/joy that runs deeper then physicality.
• The key to filling fulfilled is not wanting a person (or thing) to act the way I (you) want them to act, but the spring of living water inside of me (you) saying "I don't need a {fill in the blank}, I walk with Jesus."
• I (you) have everything I (you) need; I (you) have the Spirit of God and He's in me (you) and with me (you).
• Before God can give me (you) what I (you) need, He has to expose my (your) sin.
• Jesus knows the condition of my (your) heart, but He still doesn't push me (you) away.
• The best thing Jesus can do is to not pretend my (your) sin isn't there and let me (you) live in it, but call me (you) out on it.
• In order to receive Him, and receive His well I (you) have to let go of all the other things.
• I (you) can't find fulfillment in other places, persons, or things.
• I (you) have to get away from the wrong well.

3. Well, not now.

• The time is now!

John 4:39 (NIV)
Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.”

• Everything I've (you've) ever done (up to salvation) has been wrong, but then God uses all the pain I've (you've) been through as a platform to show people how good He is.
• God wants to clean me (you) up, so He can show (you) off.
• Jesus wants to clean me (you), change me (you), and rearrange me (you) not because He doesn't love me (you), not because He's ashamed of me (you), but because He made me (you) and He wants to show the world what He can do through me (you).
• God wants me (you) to drink His water.
• We are all thirsty and we are all lost and we all need to drink from His water.
• God loves and uses broken people for His causes and for His glory.
• God raises me (you) up and out of the pit so that I (you) can reach down and help someone else up and out too with His power working through me (you).
• Jesus gave His life so that my (your) life could be rescued from empty wells and so that I (you) can drink freely from His grace and never thirst again.

SNS - Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series

Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series; Sermon 3
"An Arranged Marriage"
Pastor Steven (Elevation Church)

Genesis 24:1-67 (NIV)
Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac. ” The servant asked him, “What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from? ” “Make sure that you do not take my son back there,” Abraham said. “The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’ —he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there. So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter. Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water. Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’ —let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.” “Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.” So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful. When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. Then he asked, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night? ” She answered him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milkah bore to Nahor. ” And she added, “We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night.” Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, saying, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s relatives.” The young woman ran and told her mother’s household about these things. Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring. As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring. “Come, you who are blessed by the Lord,” he said. “Why are you standing out here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels.” So the man went to the house, and the camels were unloaded. Straw and fodder were brought for the camels, and water for him and his men to wash their feet. Then food was set before him, but he said, “I will not eat until I have told you what I have to say.” “Then tell us,” Laban said. So he said, “I am Abraham’s servant. The Lord has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, male and female servants, and camels and donkeys. My master’s wife Sarah has borne him a son in her old age, and he has given him everything he owns. And my master made me swear an oath, and said, ‘You must not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live, but go to my father’s family and to my own clan, and get a wife for my son.’ “Then I asked my master, ‘What if the woman will not come back with me?’ “He replied, ‘The Lord, before whom I have walked faithfully, will send his angel with you and make your journey a success, so that you can get a wife for my son from my own clan and from my father’s family. You will be released from my oath if, when you go to my clan, they refuse to give her to you—then you will be released from my oath.’ “When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come. See, I am standing beside this spring. If a young woman comes out to draw water and I say to her, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar,” and if she says to me, “Drink, and I’ll draw water for your camels too,” let her be the one the Lord has chosen for my master’s son.’ “Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah came out, with her jar on her shoulder. She went down to the spring and drew water, and I said to her, ‘Please give me a drink.’ “She quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too.’ So I drank, and she watered the camels also. “I asked her, ‘Whose daughter are you?’
“She said, ‘The daughter of Bethuel son of Nahor, whom Milkah bore to him.’ “Then I put the ring in her nose and the bracelets on her arms, and I bowed down and worshiped the Lord. I praised the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me on the right road to get the granddaughter of my master’s brother for his son. Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn.” Laban and Bethuel answered, “This is from the Lord; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed. ” When Abraham’s servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the Lord. Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother. Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night there. When they got up the next morning, he said, “Send me on my way to my master.” But her brother and her mother replied, “Let the young woman remain with us ten days or so; then you may go.” But he said to them, “Do not detain me, now that the Lord has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master.” Then they said, “Let’s call the young woman and ask her about it.” So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?”
“I will go,” she said. So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men. And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, “Our sister, may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the cities of their enemies.” Then Rebekah and her attendants got ready and mounted the camels and went back with the man. So the servant took Rebekah and left. Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?” “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

• There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or being a perfect partner, but there is such a thing as having a blessed relationship and being a blessing to my (your) partner.
• I (you) can be blessed.
• Don't freak out if we're (you're) not on schedule as the culture says it should happen.
• God arranges marraiges and relationships together.
• God is bigger then me (you) marrying the wrong one, and throwing off generations of people marrying the wrong person.
• My (your) security is not found in another person, my (your) security is gound in God's promise.
• The four most important words in my (your) life are: "God has promised me (you)."
• No other dysfunctional person can make me (you) whole.
• Don't leave the place of God's perfect will for my (your) life.
• Even when it gets hard, when I (you) don't feel love, I (you) don't feel tingly don't leave my (your) marriage or my (your) covanent and don't step aside from our (your) committment.
• Trusting God for our (your) future is the hardest thing to do, but it's the only way to go.
• I (you) may as well trust God, because I (you) can't be Him.
• I (you) don't fall in love, I (you) set out with intention to love.
• The difficulties aren't even worth mentioning to the promise God fulfills.
• The payoff if I (you) stick to it and obey God will be so worth it, it won't even be worth putting a footnote about the difficulties in comparison to how good the Lord is.
• The difficulties aren't even worth mentioning.
• My (your) story is part of a bigger story that God is writing.
• My (your) subplot will work to His predetermined end, because He is the master author, and only He knows the end from the beginning.
• Pray and position
• You should be looking for someone who has a servanent's heart, has humility, who loves the Lord, and is committed to Him.
• Don't pray to God looking for a partner and wanting him to be sexy that's not God's specialty.
• Appearance is important, but it's not the first thing, it's not the primary thing, it's not the most important thing.
• Just because I (you) haven't seen the solution, doesn't mean God hasn't sent the answer.
• If I've (you've) trusted it to Him, He's working even if it's a situation I (you) can't see.
• Even if I (you) can't see God working in my (your) situation, trust that God is anyway.
• Pray, position, and now God I trust in You!
• God may not be answering my (your) prayer right now, but He's answering it through preparation.
• You can find the right one and make them the wrong one because you're not ready yet.
• Trust God in the timing of things.

1 John 1:9 (NIV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
- The blood of Jesus can cover my (your) past. It's gone, it's forgotten, it's forgiven.

• It's a ppure spirit and trust in God that is really attractive especially to the kind of people you really want to attract.
• Do I (you) want to be a person who just barely gets by with the things of God, who just barely acknowledges Jesus as their Lord and Savior or do I (you) want to be someone who is exceptionally hungry for God?
• Don't put a standard on somebody else I (you) wouldn't want on me (you).
• Don't put a standard on somebody else God wouldn't put on me (you).
• When it comes to the things of God, do not settle.
• Shut up and observe. 
• "Before marriage keep both eyes open, and after marriage keep both eyes closed." - Benjamin Franklin
• Don't see all the flaws after marriage, when I (you) think they're perfect before when I (you) have a controlled environment and never see the real them.
• Don't jump the gun, trust God.
• Randy and I want God to be the center of the relationship from the beginning.
• Don't get in any relationships where God is apart, make sure He's in the spotlight and not a sideshow.
• If there's anything I (you should) want more then anything else, it's a God story.
• I don't (you shouldn't) want a Hollywood story, because a hollywood story ends at the altar with expensive flowers.
• Bless my (your) future children.
• Satan can't curse that which is blessed by God.
• God's promises will always come true.
• A story is part of a much bigger story.
• My (your) story is part of a much bigger story God is writing for my (your) life and the world...the gospel story.
• God is going to use all of this one day.
• God is using my (your) story to write a much bigger story, in which He is the hero and receives all the glory.
• True security, happiness, joy, peace, and love isn't found in finding the right person it's in being in the right person.
• If I (you) be the person God has called, He will do everything I (you) need in life.

SNS - Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series

Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series; Sermon 2

"You be Jesus, Let God be God"
Reverend Holly Furtick (Pastor Steven's wife; Elevation Church)

• No matter who leaves I (you) always have Jesus and I (you) always have my (your) spouse.
• Before I (you) can speak life into someone I (you) have to be humbled.

Philippians 2:1-11 (NIV)
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
 Who, being in very nature^[ God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness. 
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death —
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name, 
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

• Any relationship that is strong and Godly works on that relationship.
• If Randy and I (you and your partner) want a strong and Godly engagement/marriage (relationship) we (you) are going to have to work on it.
• Anything worth having requires work.

EMBRACE HUMILITY

• If there's going to be life spoken humility is going to have to be present.
• Humility always assumes the best about their mate.
• Humility doesn't get mad about little irritants.
• Humility speaks to what their heart is, not necessarily to what their actions are.

Proverbs 15:33 (NIV)
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor. 
- Before I (you) can honor my (your) mate, I (you) have to empty myself (yourself) of my (your) pride.

Philippians (NIV)
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.
- What would Jesus do? Jesus would overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
- Jesus would give grace. Grace is giving someone something they don't deserve.
- Jesus would love. (It's not a romantic type of love, it's a sacrifical type of love).

• Men need respect, women need love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. t always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

• The love in movies is not the true love that Jesus talks about in the Bible; true love sacrifices for the other person.
• Marriage is not 50/50. God desires that I (you) give 100% of myself to my mate, and him giving 100% of himself to me (you).
• Stop keeping score!! That's not what it's about; it's not about demanding my rights, it's about being Jesus to the other person.

Philippians 2:5-7 (NIV)
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 

• If I (you) want to be Jesus in my (your) relationships I'm (you're) going have to serve others, serve my (your) mate. Serve each other. 
• Too often the person we love the most is the person we serve the least. 
• God is asking me (you) to be Jesus in my (your) relationship, and He's going take care of the rest. 

Philippians 2:7-11 (NIV)
rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, nd every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

• If I (you) be Jesus, God will take care of my (your) partner.
• Let God be God, and I (you) be Jesus. Obeying and doing what God told me (you) to do.
• Focus on and do what God's told me (you) to do, and God will take care of the other person.
• When I've (you've) done what God wants me (you) to do and when I (you) go to God with my problems, He will go to Randy (your mate) and work on him on my (your) behalf and I (you) won't have to nag him or complain to him.

Philippians 2:12-13 (NIV)
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

• God will work in me (you) and enable me (you) to do this; He will also work in others.
• It's not that I (you) have to, but that I (you) get to.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

This is a song I love to listen to, and play over and over again when I am going through a really rough patch or testing. The words are so soothing, and always brings me a little piece. Here it is:

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my world is breaking

I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave you when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

SNS - Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series

Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf Series; Sermon 1

"The Royal Marriage"
Pastor Steven at Elevation Church

1 Samuel 25:1-42 (NIV)

Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Paran. A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite. While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. So he sent ten young men and said to them, “Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours! “‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’” When David’s men arrived, they gave Nabal this message in David’s name. Then they waited. Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” David’s men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word. David said to his men , “Each of you strap on your sword!” So they did, and David strapped his on as well. About four hundred men went up with David, while two hundred stayed with the supplies. One of the servants told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men were very good to us. They did not mistreat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. Night and day they were a wall around us the whole time we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.” Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal. As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!” When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool , and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you. “Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant.” David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.” When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until daybreak. Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him and he became like a stone. About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died. When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Praise be to the Lord, who has upheld my cause against Nabal for treating me with contempt. He has kept his servant from doing wrong and has brought Nabal’s wrongdoing down on his own head.” Then David sent word to Abigail, asking her to become his wife. His servants went to Carmel and said to Abigail, “David has sent us to you to take you to become his wife.” She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, “I am your servant and am ready to serve you and wash the feet of my lord’s servants.” Abigail quickly got on a donkey and, attended by her five female servants, went with David’s messengers and became his wife. 

• If I (you) become complacent God will lift His anointing and blessing.
• God puts us in relationships that we may bring out the betterhalf of the person we're in a relationship with.

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. 

- Our tongues have the ability to bring death or life.

• Never call a man into question as to who he is as a man; it's one of the worst things I (you) can do.
• Do the people in my (your) life know that I (you) will have words of wisdom, peace, love, and life to speak?
• The best time to answer to God is immediately; if He says something to me (you) don't put it off, do it immediately.  
• Speak words and back them up.
• If I'm (you're) really going to love someone, then I (you) have to back it up. I (you) can't just speak empty words we have to back them up with actions.
• Every person inside of them has the potential for tremendous good or tremendous evil, and the part that comes alive is the part that we speak to.
• I am (you are) made in the image of God. If I am (you are) in Christ there is divinity inside of me (you), but at the same time there is this downward spiral that is trying to pull me (you) away from the will of God.
• Crown the King (Jesus) I (you) have.
• I (you) can choose to be a daydreamer or I (you) can choose to be a visionary.
• The potential for our relationship starts with us denying our own self, crawling up on our own cross, and giving our lives.
• I (you) can't hold onto my (your) selfishness and fulfill God's potential for my (your) relationship at the same time.
• Until I (you) die to ourselves and prioritize God and the people He's placed in my (your) life above myself (yourself) nothing will work.
• I care more about God and being right before Him, then I care about being right in someone else's eyes.
• There is power in the words I (you) speak.
• Half of becoming the better half is finding the best other half God wants to join me (you) with.
• To bring my (your) relationship to life speak to the God potential in their life (even if at times its hard to see).
• Don't speak to a person's actions, speak to their destiny.
• Speak to his potential; speak to what God created him to be.
• My (your) words of kindness and hope can mean so much to a man, and help make him the man God created him to be. I (you) can't do that with correction and nagging.
• Depending on what part I (you) speak to, determines which part comes alive.
• If I (you) speak life, even if I (you) have to do it, God will bring things alive that I (you) never even imagined.